Faithful in the Mundane

 

When I last wrote, I was sitting on my bed in my dorm room. I still had finals and hours of studying ahead of me. I still had a few tears to shed and some laughs to share with my college friends. But now, I sit in the living room of my family's house, with my seven-year-old brother running around me and singing to himself.

It has been quite the change of scenery, being back home full-time. What's more, for a number of reasons, I decided to stay home and babysit/work on around-the-house projects this summer instead of a restaurant job. With gas prices shooting up and the lull of summer creeping in, I haven't done too much of anything. I promised myself that this summer I would focus on being intentional with my relationships and staying active so I don't feel apathetic. Numbness is always my greatest adversary during breaks from school--it's too easy to lay around all day, not feel like leaving the house, and avoid community because you feel burnt out. This summer, I wanted to take active steps to still feel real and engaged.

Unfortunately, old habits die hard, and I quickly slipped into feeling apathetic, out-of-touch with myself and my feelings, and frustrated with God. College is so busy--things are constantly happening, and new leaves are always turning over. It's easy to rely on God when there's a constant need for dependence on Him. It's harder to trust He's there when everything jolts to a halt.
I found myself skipping devotions for days in a row, not really knowing how I was doing or why, and feeling all-around down and discouraged. Psalm 16:11 says that in His presence there is fullness of joy, and when you pull away from the LORD's presence you feel the distance. I do a weekly Bible study with my roommate, Draye, and I briefly told her I was struggling with feeling apathetic and numb and knew a breakdown was coming soon. Shortly after that conversation, the breakdown did happen, and I found myself crying over so many things I hadn't been feeling or processing before. I was frustrated because I felt abandoned by God--I wasn't spending consistent time in His Word, and the time I was spending didn't feel fruitful. I felt like God had moved forward and forgotten me. Like perhaps He could only use me for His glory during the school year, and had retired me--like an old toy--to a back shelf for summer break.

After the breakdown, I spent a good few hours listening to worship music and reflecting on the ways He has been faithful to me in the past and realized that I felt distant and abandoned not because the Father had distanced Himself from me, but because I had distanced myself from Him. I stopped relying on Him. I stopped consistently going to His Word for life and energy. Even in the seemingly mundane, we still need a Father. Maybe our challenges look different during the school year--that's ok. But fighting against apathy and struggling to remain patient and loving to the family you've moved back in with is just as important and edifying as working hard to make good grades and sort through social tangles on campus. Though I'm not surrounded by all the same people or facing all the same stressors, the LORD can still use me now just as efficiently as He did during my spring semester. And the same is true for you.

I have been reading through Genesis with Draye (my roommate) for the past few weeks and have been amazed at the LORD's faithfulness through generations. I must admit, initially, it was hard for me to take joy in reading Genesis because it was much harder for me to pull the application out of it than it was to glean instruction from a book like, say, Philippians. But after the breakdown and through fresh eyes, I saw that Genesis reminds us of His steadfast love and the fact that we are bound to Him in covenant, which is an act of His mercy and grace. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob all had one thing in common. They were all horribly broken and sinful (liars, cheaters, fearful, forgetful of the LORD's sovereignty), but they all received the covenantal promise from the LORD. 

For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, saying, “Surely I will bless you and multiply you.” And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things, in which lit is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.
[Hebrews 6:13-20]

Draye: roomie and Bible study buddy :)

God swore to them by Himself, making the covenant irrevocable and trustworthy. He will not abandon us, because He built a New Covenant with us, much like He swore Himself to Abraham and his family in Genesis so long ago. When you accept Him and are made one of His children, that is your identity through and through. No sin, shame, or lie could steal that away from you. When you become one of His children, you can serve Him and be used by Him and any and all circumstances. He never forgets His people, never stops caring, and never stops working in our broken hearts for our own good. He is faithful on the mountains and in the valleys--but, perhaps more applicably for this post, He is faithful in the mundane. And as long as there is breath in your lungs, and as long as we yet await the return of our Messiah, there is still work to be done. God's plans for you and your growth don't get paused just because school does. And just because those plans look different doesn't mean they're any less from Him. These are the things I'm learning to accept this summer.