Life Moves Quickly: An Update

 

I haven't written anything in a long time. Words have been gathering, but I haven't had anywhere to put them (Except in strings of sentences in conversations with friends. But I am very much a written processer, so I figured a blog post would be helpful too.)

If there is anything sophomore year has taught me, it is that time moves very, very quickly. Lately, it feels like it's been slipping through my fingers. Like none of it is truly mine. (I suppose that's life as a nursing major, haha.) And even so, there have been opportunities for lovely moments to slip in. I live with really sweet people. I have really sweet friends. They manage to brighten even the most chaotic weeks. Here are some photos that capture a bit of what life has been looking like recently!

Late-night CVS runs with Rachel. Pro-tip; be best friends with your sister. Then live with her in college. :)

This is Michaela. she is there for me. literally any time I could possibly need it. she is the type of friend you pray for.

3/4 of New Res Hall 307!!

nursing school friends! very blessed to be going through it with such good company.

This is Lauren, another gem of a human. She's basically an honorary suite member now.

The other 1/4 of New Res Hall 307. Mady is such a light--what a blessing it is to know and be known by her.

I'm definitely in a season of faithfulness right now. And by that, I mean my faith in the Father is being tested on a near-daily basis. At the beginning of the semester, it felt like I had no semblance of control. (News flash, I don't. Never have. I just like to flatter myself by thinking I did. But I digress.) I was struggling with a lot of doubts; not necessarily in God's sovereignty, but in myself and in how to navigate the stressors and seemingly overwhelming aspects of my life. I had many conversations with friends where I was either in tears feeling completely at a loss for clarity, or so frustrated that all I could do was repeat the same ventings.
It's hard to be patient when you don't know the means by which the Lord will bring about His plans. I always trusted that He was in control, I just didn't know what to do with myself in the in-between. But after a lot of prayers and talking it through, and listening for His voice, I have reached a very vulnerable point of surrender. Taking it day by day, and being ok with it; something that is hard for me to do as an enneagram 6w5 who wants to think through every single way things could possibly go wrong and how I would have to fix it. But God reminded me, "Guess what, Grace? It's not up for you to fix it. There is nothing that you need to 'fix', for this is My will for your life. I am working all things out for your good." You guys, all our ways are known to Him. That's crazy. He's seen the end--He knows each and every step I will take before it is even a thought in my mind. And He is patient and intentional and willing to stay back with me--not abandoning me or leaving me behind. He is willing to walk alongside me until I reach the version of me that I will be when I step out of this dead body and enter into His presence. He sees me for who I can be and who I am now in Christ, and not for the sins and stumbling of my past, or even the ways I will continually fall short in the future. 

So where I'm at right now (in regards to all aspects of my life...nursing school, my personal life, friendships, time management, etc.): Striving to seek the path that brings Him the most glory, and is most edifying for my character--not what is most comfortable. (The two rarely seem to coincide.) That's really all we can do, isn't it? That's our sole purpose as His creation. I was reading in Acts 27 recently, and it was such a beautiful challenge! Paul is sailing to Rome to appeal his case, and a storm is arising on the sea. The sailors and prisoners with him are anxious and afraid for their lives, but Paul assures them that the Lord has promised to spare them all. "So take heart, men, for I have faith in God that it will be exactly as I have been told." (v. 25) Yet, seeing the rising storm and the foreboding rocks nearby, the sailors start lowering boats and trying to escape on their own. Paul tells them that if they leave the ship, they cannot be saved. And that reminded me a lot of the situation I had found myself in.

See, I can try to find a way out, or solve my own issues, and it may give me some temporary comfort. But it would pale to the blessings that I could have received had I just continued in faith. If God has given a promise to me, then He is going to see it through. The promise that He knows my paths and has plans for my benefit--for the good of those who love Him. And His will always plays out. So, if part of His will for me involves me merely waiting and trusting in faith (despite the terrifying circumstances), surrendering all control, not knowing what's going on (or even how I'm truly doing emotionally. That's another thing that comes with feeling like none of my time is my own and it all belongs to the nursing program. It feels like I have no time to process my own emotions) but just trusting in the fact that He is good and He is a Deliverer, then that is the most God-glorifying thing and the most self-edifying thing we can do. But if we leave the boat. If we try to chase love in the wrong places, steal back "control" of our lives just to feel some sort of sense of security (even though the only true security we have is in Christ, as we are not promised any tomorrow), then we are doing ourselves a disservice. We are trading the blessings of God for the false hopes of man--and those are fleeting. Those are a parched wilderness. (Read Jeremiah 17!! It is too good!!)

Another thing I've been thinking about recently: longsuffering love. I went back and re-read 1 Corinthians 13, but specifically in the NKJV. I really like how this translation puts it.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (v. 4-8)

What kind of love is one that suffers long? What does that mean? It means being a direct reflection of Christ's character. It means pursuit even when they push you away. Intentionality when you don't even receive a second thought. Patience and perseverance even when you don't feel that you are getting anything in return. It is an all-consuming, passionate, unmistakable agape love that is rooted in the Father first loving us. It's a challenge to selflessness. Am I willing to suffer long in showing love to those who do not make me feel loved in return? Am I willing to suffer long praying for those who couldn't care less about me? Am I willing to suffer long in being a picture of Christlike love in the life of the believer who isn't living in the way we are instructed? Longsuffering love is all about denying the self and putting others first. And not doing it for a show, for reward, for returned love--love that loves simply for the sake of being love. Just as He first loved us. (Also, how cool is it that we were chosen to be vessels of His love and reflections of His character?!? What a privilege.)

So there it is. A brief (though it may not feel that way) look into what's been on my mind throughout this first month of sophomore year. Lots of chaos, lots of tears, and even more sweet smiles and time spent with friends. And above all, a LOT of time spent in prayer and in leaning into Him. Which, at the end of the day, has been the sweetest part of it all. :)