Biblical Pursuit: Relationships in Light of How Christ Pursues You

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships recently. Which isn’t too out of the ordinary…relationships are a topic that seems to always be on my mind. A dear friend of mine recently led a Bible study walking through a lot of the minor prophets, and the final book we studied was Hosea. This beautiful, emotion-packed little book has provoked a lot of thought in me and prompted me to reflect a lot on relationships and biblical marriage. A lot of us are familiar with the basic plot of Hosea. God calls one of His prophets, Hosea, to marry a woman named Gomer, a prostitute. And even after she leaves him and returns to her former lovers in search of vain pleasures and fleeting earthly gain, God commands Hosea to go and redeem her and marry her again. This was to parallel the complex, heart-wrenching emotion that God felt (and still feels!) watching His people stray away after false idols. I could go on and on about this book, but I have a lot more to say, so I will just encourage you to read through the book on your own for the sake of brevity. :)

Hosea gives us such an amazing picture of the Father’s heart for us. A heart that grows warm and tender for His people, despite their whoredom and faithlessness. A love that is redeeming, sanctifying, patient, and merciful. A love that pursues us time after time, even though we are the farthest thing from deserving. Hosea reminded me that marriage is supposed to be a picture of how Christ loves the Church—how the Lord allows each of us to have relationships so that we can personally experience being image-bearers and reflecting His love to one another through selfless service and love.
(Let’s think on that for a bit; what a gift to receive! An opportunity to see the face of God in another imperfect human being. A chance to grow in our likeness to Him by practicing patience and steadfast love towards our spouses. Isn’t it amazing how gracious He is to give us that!?)

Relationships should be about intentional pursuit. When we look at Scripture, we know exactly how Jesus feels about us. He never hides His love or leaves us confused and uncertain of our worth. We need only look at Hosea 11 where, even in the midst of pain at Israel’s unfaithfulness, God asks:

“’ How can I give you up, O Ephraim?

How can I hand you over, O Israel?

How can I make you like Admah?

How can I treat you like Zeboiim?

My heart recoils within me;

My compassion grows warm and tender.”

-Hosea 11:8

I myself have had many nights where I yell out in frustration because a guy I was interested in left me feeling confused or unsure of how he actually felt about me. This is never the case with Christ—He told me from the start that I am loved and precious in His eyes.

                                                                     ➼➼➼➼➼

Yesterday, I was reading in John 4 and was struck by the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well. Verse 6 tells us, “Jacob’s well was there [Sychar, Samaria]; so Jesus, wearied as he was from his journey, was sitting beside the well. It was about the sixth hour.” This verse gives us some very important insight into Jesus’ humanity—He was tired. He had been walking all day, His ministry was keeping Him incredibly busy (a fact that no doubt brought great joy to Him but was also very taxing on His energy levels; after all, He was fully human!), and I’m sure that if I was in His shoes all I would want is to lie down in the shade and take a long nap. Yet, He puts aside the desires of His human flesh to pursue the heart of this Samaritan woman. Rather than going with His disciples to find food, or going to sleep, or just enjoying the alone-time and decompressing, He waits intently by the well so that they can have a conversation that would end up changing her life! He chose to pursue her intentionally out of His love for her. To Him, she was worth more than His own comfort.

This story reminded me of the Parable of the Lost Sheep. I saw it in a different light than I ever have before; the shepherd had to leave the comfort and safety of his home to go after the one lost sheep. He traded a night by the fire, a home-cooked meal, and the chance to go to bed early for a trek in the wilderness after a sole bedraggled, wayward, mindless sheep. Perhaps this wasn’t the first time the sheep had wandered off. Perhaps this was another belligerent act of rebellion to spite the shepherd, even though the shepherd had given the sheep everything. Perhaps the sheep was so stubborn that it willingly refused to remain loyal to the person who loved it most. And yet, the shepherd goes out and finds it, carrying it back home and rejoicing greatly at its being found. In the same way, Christ traded the glory and light and beauty of Heaven and chose to descend to the filth and whoredom and self-imposed misery of humanity to shine forth the light and bring us back to Himself with His incredible, redeeming love.

                                                                   ➼➼➼➼➼

One of the things that have been breaking my heart recently is the number of girls and women that I’ve talked to who struggle with feelings of rejection and abandonment. I’ve talked a lot about singleness and relationships with my friends over the years, and the thing that always seems to be echoed is the pain of rejection. Boys not pursuing them the way they deserved to be pursued, men failing to remind them of how precious they truly are. And this is so twisted and wrong. Because relationships—as I said before—are a chance given to us by God to be image-bearers to one another and to love someone the way the Father has so faithfully loved us. So, if a man is not pursuing you with the intentionality and patience that Christ pursued you with first, then he is not doing it right. (Keep in mind that I am fully aware that it can also be the other way around; many godly young men have been hurt because a woman was not loving or caring for them the way they were called to in Christ. However, since I have a heart for talking to women specifically on this issue, I will continue to mainly focus on the woman’s side in this post.)

I think another huge issue is the fact that we as women try and find our fulfillment in being pursued by a man. We were created with the desire to be cherished and pursued, which is a good thing in a God-honoring and healthy relationship. But that desire so easily gets twisted when we pour that desire into the expectation that an imperfect human male can fulfill all our needs. I can firmly say that, if you are not seeking to find your worth first and foremost in the One who created you, then you are always going to be heartbroken. Jesus told the woman at the well that He would give her water that would quench her thirst forever and become a spring welling up to eternal life. (John 4:14) But if we are neglecting that eternal spring and running to draw water from other sources, we will become thirsty again. The waters of whatever a mortal man—no matter how godly or intentional—can offer you are nothing compared to the Living Water. Jesus is the sweetest and most fulfilling and complete First Love. Remember that.

Additionally, we as women should not be chasing after men. Period. The Church is compared to being the bride of Christ, and Christ always pursues the Church—not the other way around. (In fact, the Church is an undeserving and wayward bride to whom the Groom commits Himself, despite her countless flaws and inability to measure up. Because that’s the redeeming love God has for us.) Since relationships are intended to be a mirror of our relationship with Christ, we should not allow any man who is not pursuing us like Jesus would to continue in their pursuit of us. Christ never leads us on or plays games with our feelings. He does not slip into apathy or passivity, forcing us to do all the work of getting to know Him. Neither should your prospective husband.

There’s nothing wrong with some hint-dropping of course, you can hardly expect a guy to pursue you if he has no reason to believe that you want him to, but the Lord designed relationships to be driven by the man. He is to be the spiritual leader—the defender and upholder of his family. And if I can’t trust that a guy will step up and pursue me intentionally throughout our relationship (and especially at the start of it) then how can I trust that he will be able to step up and guard/lead me and our children? 

Another thing I want to stress is the fact that grace must be extended all-around. While I firmly believe that every woman of God deserves to be intentionally pursued by a godly man who will reflect Christ’s attributes in their lives, I know that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23) Your dream guy isn’t always going to be able to meet your every need or love you as well as he should, just as you won’t be able to serve and honor him at all times like you should. The burden of perfection is not one that your husband should bear—you can expect that he cherishes and loves you the way he is called to biblically; but, when he falls short, you can rest in the assurance that you already have a perfect Saviour from whom you draw everything you could ever need. Let love and mercy fill in the gaps; take it as an opportunity to extend grace like He would.

                                                              ➼➼➼➼➼ 

I know this is all easier said than done! I myself have chased after the fleeting waters of humanity one too many times. A few years back, I suffered incredible heartbreak because I was emotionally pursuing a guy who was not intentionally pursuing me. Neither one of us was truly ready for a commitment, but because I had already invested so much of myself in him, I had this expectation that he would care for and fulfill me. And when he didn’t, I was crushed. I've had other situations like this. I've realized I have the tendency to fall for guys who are a bit disinterested; not quite intentional enough. I build up all these expectations and think that, if only I could date one of them, everything about my life would fall into place. In short, I am awful at guarding my heart and taking captive each thought, and I'm very lucky to have a Savior who loves and heals me regardless. If you are ever in need of prayer, encouragement, or just someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out; my DMs are always open.
You are worthy of being pursued, you are never rejected by Christ, and you are loved inexplicably by God. :)